graduation, vacation, family visiting, and birthdays should be happy moments
unfortunately, not mine. this graduation trip with my parents in San Diego and Las Vegas has not been pleasant. Tears and arguments constant throughout this trip. i have another 6 days with them and i am afraid i will hate them so much that i will never want to talk to them and they will hate me enough that they will disagree with my choices and never want to support me anymore. i really want to be independent but i can't for the meanwhile, however our relationship are not going well AT ALL.
i am ready to head home and hope everything can get back to before the graduation where they are not here. i know the more i love the more i hate... this i totally the case, and i don't want this to head to that case right now
plus the aunt are not helping at all.. she is fucking annoying!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
no where to hide from my feelings
it has been a while since i blog now i want to start again due to complication on my feelings.
i have been dating with this first man in my life for almost 7 weeks now. things should be going great but this feelings i have is just overwhelming
i have been with only me and myself for the longest time in my life. Now, i let him moved into my heart and he start to make it homey by decorating it and putting up pictures and wallpapers. But i am not sure if I'm in his. I am not sure if I moved into him heart. I said he loves me but I do not feel it. I guess words are not enough for me anymore, especially from him. He uses the LOVE word so frequently that I think he don't how powerful his word is meant to me. He calls me "Hon" but I just heard him calling another gal "HON" this morning. Makes me wonder if he uses that word to everyone. I call him "Babe" but I don use that word on others. He broke me because he made me fragile and weak now. Feelings are out of my control now. Sleep can even help to solve this problem. Usually sleep can help me dissolve whatever feelings i have and let it pass. not this one~
by letting him moved in, and putting in new things. he has puncture the wall, what if one day he moved out. the hole will be there forever. The unenclosed scar will be there forever. Even though he is still living in there, but the scar is getting bigger whenever i am thinking about this matter.
He loves Japan and he knows Japanese, plus he used to date Japaneses. This concern me that he will leave me for a pretty, petite Japanese girl. Leaving the wounded me behind.
I really hate the broken me. So weak and helpless. I used to be able to act nothing is wrong but it is getting harder now. Harder to hide from my feelings.
i have been dating with this first man in my life for almost 7 weeks now. things should be going great but this feelings i have is just overwhelming
i have been with only me and myself for the longest time in my life. Now, i let him moved into my heart and he start to make it homey by decorating it and putting up pictures and wallpapers. But i am not sure if I'm in his. I am not sure if I moved into him heart. I said he loves me but I do not feel it. I guess words are not enough for me anymore, especially from him. He uses the LOVE word so frequently that I think he don't how powerful his word is meant to me. He calls me "Hon" but I just heard him calling another gal "HON" this morning. Makes me wonder if he uses that word to everyone. I call him "Babe" but I don use that word on others. He broke me because he made me fragile and weak now. Feelings are out of my control now. Sleep can even help to solve this problem. Usually sleep can help me dissolve whatever feelings i have and let it pass. not this one~
by letting him moved in, and putting in new things. he has puncture the wall, what if one day he moved out. the hole will be there forever. The unenclosed scar will be there forever. Even though he is still living in there, but the scar is getting bigger whenever i am thinking about this matter.
He loves Japan and he knows Japanese, plus he used to date Japaneses. This concern me that he will leave me for a pretty, petite Japanese girl. Leaving the wounded me behind.
I really hate the broken me. So weak and helpless. I used to be able to act nothing is wrong but it is getting harder now. Harder to hide from my feelings.
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