it is over

everything is came to an end... even though it went from bad to worst but everything has came to an end... nothing else anyone can do to change this...
the pain i experienced was over but deep down in me i will still remember what happen to me since Nov 6, 2009 until Nov 24, 2009.....
it is all gone and i have nothing in me anymore

worst thing that can happen

in my life, things have been going from bad to worst....
first I lost something and now I gain something... I have a living parasite in me... how horrible that can be...
things just going to get worst and worst.. I want a normal life back and hva every part of this memories deleted from my freaking life

no more

I will not tell anyone about what happen anymore... people do not understand and people are just not caring enough..
things that people said were not considerate at the first place... not supportive enough and that is what I need currently....
I'm just going to tel everyone that i'm great and awesome....
i had enough... i want to forget and get supports but people are just blaming me
you people just stop!!!

the expected vs. unexpected

something I have been desperately wanting for a week is finally arrived but it was not as exciting as I thought I would be...
things have been getting nastier... i'm afraid I might enter into a no u-turn path and I would regret forever of my life, which I already did have several things that I regretted deep down in my heart. But there is nothing that I can do to change anything
but the feeling of being depress and unhappy still exist every now and then...
people i thought I can trust cannot be trust anymore because they start to judge and this is the least drama I would like to get involve in my life.

the dark side

have you ever heard the dark side of a person... how you just lost yourself
i think I'm getting there myself.. my brain knows that I cannot go there but my heart just follows the dark and evil me into the dark side.
I brain is still pulling me back strongly but I might not be able to hold on any longer because I am mentally unstable due to unstable psychology.
i just want to shut myself down because all this horrible memories is driving me nuts.
my heart beat increased every time I thought abut this matter, like I can't breath, which me ending up gasping for fresh air.
looking in the bright side is not easy now because the dark is taking over

losing something very precious

Now I really understand the feeling of losing something very important and precious.
This has been my most hardcore week for me... I have been trying to forget and let it go, but I realize that it is impossible. Things have been going tragic in my own brain and I'm afraid it is going to get wild.
There is no one out there is listening or even care. I'm desperately need a hug and comfort from someone.
My heart felt empty, pinched, and weird. a feeling that i never felt.
i want to cry but i guess i'm dried up and can even let the tears from my heart to flow.
lately, food just become no taste, sleep have been uneasy, concentration have been lost in the air. I'm so lost in my own mind and soul.

The worst of the worst

I started this blog because someone wanted me to keep in touch with me therefore i start this stupid blog where no one care reading with the same time no one cares about me anyways...
I told the worst thing have happened to me some of my trusted friends but they start to judge me and I felt this is wrong. No one care anyways...
I have not been eating, sleeping or even concentrate on my studies now. I'm afraid I'm going to fail my life and I want to cry but i CAN'T cry... this is very frustrating....
This blog started by letting myself go and express myself. now I'm all open but no one cares. the people who said they are going to care but no... they did not. I thought they care about me as much as I care about them.
will I ever going to be the old me again? will i ever return to normal? will people stop judging me and support me?
I have not been talking to my parents from 2 weeks because I can't lie to them that I'm ok...
I have been a strong a person, I always manage to handle anything by myself but not this time. I need support and advice but no one out there would do that for me because I am Chewy that no one cares.
SInce last weekend, i have enter the end of the world. i don't think I can keep on going like this. this is too extreme for me to go on. trying to forget, the more I can remember.
If i can get through this by myself, this mean i will be stronger then ever or just have change the innocent and naive me. probably the changing part i guess. and move on with what people think i am. that would be easier than changing people's mind towards me.
the stupid me is talking again, always lost within myself. i just want to delete this whole week from my life. i want to live a normal life, i want to eat, sleep, cry like others and even be happy. i am tired of pretending in front of people.

terrible thing i did

drinking 6 shots in 30 minutes is a very bad idea. it does not kick in immediately, but it will soon enough and i passed out. passing out at ....................................................................... can't tell

22th birthday and OSU homecoming

That an amazing fall break that I had. I went to Oklahoma State University (OSU) homecoming. I drove up to about an hour to meet my buddies up in OSU. Fun... fun... fun... the walk around was crowded and there were a lot of different food and float designed. then we went to McDonald for dinner.
After that, I went to my friends apartment for a rest, then my friend Lin and Ah Shui came to get to Eskimo Joes to meet up with Chiow Peng. Unfortunately, he wasn't there, therefore we went to Stonewall, a pub nearby Eskimo Joe's.

Ah Shui (Walter)The party at StonewallChiow PengLin and her friends

There I had a couple drinks and meet luckily be able to meet up with Chiow Peng and his girlfriend. Soon, I met more new friends where they bought me more mix shots, which are very strong. I don;t know how many shots I have had and then can't walk in straight line.

The next day, I went on lunch with Lin and MK at a Japanese restaurant. They serve good food..... hahahahhaaaaa After lunch, we went to the homecoming parade, which is 2 mils long parade. There were a lot of people in at the parade. orange is their color, therefore the fountain is orange in color too...fun times...Library and orange fountain Homecoming ParandeOSU marching band.... they were good~~

get back to Edmond, we had a party at the Leng Qin's apartment where they celebrated my birthday for me. they bought me a cake, made Sze Chuan steamboat, and played some games. the best game are truth ot dare where we came up with a lot of bad and evil ideas on how to humiliate people... hua hua hua huaaaaa~~~Truth or Dare: Me confesting to a guy I just met... hahahaaThe group

More people

On Monday night, when others came back from Nebraska, my babies bought me another ice cream cake to celebrate for me. The cake was incredibly delicious.
That's the end of my birthday story and Fall break.

nothing

I have lived for 22 years... Now that I realize I have nothing. I don't have the look, the personality, and the friend. The world is so unfair because the not pretty people never get a good treatment from anyone in the world, except your own parents I guess. That is so unfair. I been treating others more that I think I should but people just like to take advantage over that and I'm done. I want to be a mean people in the world and ignore everyone... i don't have anything... I want to be the person I used to be... I'm so lost currently that don;t even know what i should do....